Why Obama Needs The Teleprompter - Maybe ?
Ever wonder why Barack Obama has such a pathological
dependence on the teleprompter? Were you surprised
when he used it to speak to elementary school students?
Even George Bush, a man who arguably should have been
more reliant on it, opted to forgo the two helpful electronic
tablets much more often than Obama has.
Could it be, that if he didn’t constantly rely on prepared
script, Obama worries he could actually say some of the
things he really believes. That was always my theory anyway.
But now I think there’s evidence, maybe.
Monday night I was contacted by a friend. who’s name I
cannot divulge for fear some moron reporter will naturally
assume he’s a member of the Tea Party Movement. He
nervously handed me what he claimed was an Official
Transcript of an alleged SECRET conference attended by
Obama and roughly three hundred of his closest friends,
advisers, and donors. He refused to disclose the location
of this conference, but mentioned it was held over the
long July 4th weekend.
This friend swore to me that he obtained this transcript from
an unimpeachable source. Hesitating slightly, he went on to
tell me that his reliable source was a woman who was a friend
of his ex-wife’s cousin’s, neighbor, whose sister attends yoga
class with the daughter of a guy who once read an article
about Valerie Plame, he thinks.
What’s significant about this clandestine conference is that
apparently when asked to speak, President Obama, at ease
with this crowd of erstwhile supporters, spoke totally off the
cuff; no notes, no teleprompter, no useful idiot transmitting
into an earpiece. Intrigued, I wondered if this alleged SECRET
transcript could be an exclusive look into the very soul of the
president who’s background the main-stream-media has
No wonder they kept it a big secret. That was always my
U.S. REP Barney Frank, was the master of ceremonies,
but no one is quite sure what he really said. Finally he
introduced the president.
Obama : Thank you Barney. Thank you everyone. Hey
I am THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!
And remember, that’s Mr. President to you Joe !!
(points toward VP Biden) (crowd cheers)
Obama: I’d like to welcome you all. Liberals, Democrats,
Socialists, Marxists, Agitators, Alinskyites, UnionThugs,
Black Panthers, and our good friends from La Raza.
You are the true face of America. A special welcome to
Sean Penn, George Clooney, and Jeanine Garafalo. I was
hoping Sharon Stone would show up, because Michelle
couldn’t be here. (laughter) She’s probably either out
shopping or telling someone, somewhere, that there’s
something they shouldn’t be doing. (applause)
As you all know this weekend we’re supposed to be
celebrating that whole fourth of July thing. Notice I
said supposed to be. (laughter) Let me tell you it’s
awfully difficult to ignore the fourth of July when you’re
the president. (laughter).
As we all know two-hundred-thirty four years ago this
week, fifty-six angry, rich, hyper-religious, greedy white
guys in powdered wigs, decided to start a war.
(crowd boos, hisses)
Now you might have heard that they decided to do this
to rid themselves of British tyranny. But the truth is their
true objective was to spread their radical, fundamentalist,
right wing agenda across the entire continent, and if that
meant the annihilation of all indigenous peoples and
minorities, then so be it. (crowd boos)
As you might be aware, since I’m the guy that sent back
the Winston Churchill bust, no one hates the British more
than I do. But I can’t help but feel a little, and only just a
little, sympathy for them in this instance. I mean all they
were trying to do here was maintain a little government
control. (smiles wryly)
Seriously, what’s the problem with a little government
control. It’s only temporary right…… RIGHT. (laughter)
Just like these tea party people today, those revolutionaries
got all worked up because of a little government oversight.
And just like today they started getting all these grand
notions in their little heads about liberty, and economic
autonomy and worst of all the belief that an average citizen
might really be entitled to private property.
(crowd laughs, boos)
(Obama responds to crowd) Yeah, I know, aaah those rugged
individualists, they never really learn right. Once, those colonists
started talking private property, it was all down hill from there.
(dramatic pause for effect)
Up until then most of the colonists had the good sense to
listen to and obey King George over there in London. And we
know exactly why, don’t we? Because government rule is always
so much easier when you’re a king. Because when you’re king,
people got to do a whole lot of listening and obeying. (crowd cheers)
Because there are no options. Show me a society with too many
options and I’ll show you a society fraught with confusion,
disillusion, and unfairness. (crowd applauds, cheers)
So these colonists were not only determined to ruin their own
lives, they were also out to make things difficult for their king.
(crowd murmurs, Obama raises a hand to quiet them)
You know at first, the British found these rowdy, self important
colonists rather amusing, until some of them got the brilliant idea
that their private property demands should extend to firearms.
(boos, catcalls, table pounding)
Exactly !! Just what the world needed. So now there was a
bunch of wild-eyed, bearded, Bible-thumping. crackers
running about the country side with weapons, stopping only
long enough to pray to their exclusionary God to help them to
seriously believe that they had a right to be free. (boos/laughter)
And worst of all (smiles broadly) we still have a bunch of these
nuts still causing problems today but they’re far from amusing.
Let me be clear, these tea party people are just as dangerous
as those radical colonists that brought the wrong change to
America so long ago. (crowd erupts)
(Obama beams, raises his hand to quiet the crowd)
Now we know that those who oppose our agenda for a better
America, will stop at nothing to stall our national progress.
They’ll say we’re socialists. They’ll say we….well some of them
will say we weren’t even born in America (loud boos/jeers)
The point is it doesn’t matter what they say. Even if we lose
both chambers this November (crowd hushes) it doesn’t
matter. Our laws are in place. Most of our judges are in place.
Our czars are in place. So it doesn’t matter who they vote for.
(Loud cheers, applause)
Plus, a lame duck session is a perfect time to jam through Cap and
Trade…(cheers) A lame duck session is a perfect time to ensure
that everyone living in America be granted the dignity of citizenship
no matter who they are, where they’re from or how they got here.
(loud cheers, foot stomping, two women pass out)
So with the right strategy and the right help from our media
friends, a lame duck session could prove to be the hour of our
greatest triumph (crowd cheers wildly)
And I wouldn’t worry about the Republicans because they don’t
have much luck shooting at ducks. Remember Dick Cheney tried it
once and the only thing he hit was another Republican. (wild laughter)
(crowd is standing chanting “YES WE WILL”)
I don’t want to make the mistake of closing without a proper
shout-out to someone to whom we all owe so much, the great
(wild rowdy cheering) (Obama points down front to Soros)
Thank you sir please stand up !!!!
Now George Soros is just what Amer… I mean the world really
needs. He’s the anti-Karl Rove. (boos, catcalls)
Yes, Karl Rove just may be the “architect”. But the work of every
architect is no match for any wrecking ball…..That’s why we
who know him best call Mr. Soros the “Hungarian Wrecking Ball”
And believe me fundamental transformation is impossible without
a wrecking ball (crowd erupts in chants of “So-ros So-ros”)
Thank You everyone!!!! And oh yeah, God Bless America (laughs)
(it’s pandemonium – the crowd rushes the stage)
(The Secret Service closes in around Obama and Biden)
In the mayhem the microphone is still on. The following was
overheard on the live mike:
Biden: Barack you #@!#$*! killed them. Way to go!
If you haven’t figured it out by now Here’s your official
disclaimer: THIS IS SATIRE. It’ kind of a practical joke.
But, “many a true word is uttered in jest”.
“The problem with some practical jokes is that very often
they get elected”. – Will Rogers